June...phew what a busy month it's been!

Some pictures to show just how much has been happening and I will catch up on my blogging later!!!  

Yep we are having a baby boy!!!!

Ucla made it to the college World Series for a second year in a row!!!! 

Ucla won and has made it to the finals of CWS...and uncle Troy payed a visit in Omaha for last nights game!!!!  It's been busy!

Harloes 2nd Birthday

Here are some pictures from the weekend and of course I will blog about our birthday girl this week!

Life of a Baseball Widow

Some of you are reading this and saying, "Widow?"  Yes, widow  well ok, wife.  I have joked about it time and time again and I try to always have a positive attitude about it.  When TJ first started this career we were just starting our marriage so needless to say, it was a bit difficult, challenging and awful to be honest.  However, we don't know any different of a marriage, other than how each of us were raised of course.  We decided early on his career would be the one we follow.  The best thing that ever happened to me was meeting the Green Family.  At the time, Becki's husband was a coach at UCLA, kind of ironic right?  TJ was at LB State as a Volunteer Coach.  They became very close friends of ours very quickly.  In this career you hang on to good people you meet because you need all the support you can get.  She showed me, talked to me, let me in, and helped me learn the ropes of what the reality really was as a baseball wife and mom. (We had no children yet, so I still didn't really get it.)  I am forever grateful for our dinners, talks, drinking nights with the hubbies, parties at their home on 2nd.  It helped me really see how to stick by your husband during the demands of this career and how to be strong and independent.  Not that I needed any teaching on that, I have that down to a T! :)
With all that being said, I still struggle.  Yes, everyone, I struggle.  Believe it or not I cry out for help and hit a breaking point too.  I struggle with being a mommy to two young princesses, pregnant with a third, working full time and a husband who is never home.  Not because he doesn't want to be but because his career and our livelihood depend on it.  I always say, I know no different and this is our life and be grateful for what we have.  Which I am.  We are blessed and have the best support system/family that gets it (the best that they can) and helps me with the kids A LOT whenever they can.  Then why does it have to get so hard?  Why am I struggling so hard?  I have hit a point where its not fair to have your own husband physically there to hold you tight and tell you it will be ok when you had a rough day, week, month.  It isn't fair to not have a husband there to help with the kids and do family things together and share in every memory.  Ughhhh, I feel awful as I type this and say it out loud because there are single parents out there who don't choose to be single and believe me, I KNOW that.  I pray to God everyday for how thankful I am and to continue to give me strength.  I just feel more overwhelmed right now than I ever have.  I feel guilty complaining reaching out, because I don't have it that bad.  But sometimes you feel more alone when you aren't really alone than if you truly were alone.  Does that even make sense???  And you all know, I am open with my heart, emotions and feelings, but I don't like asking for help or showing I am defeated.  So this is hard for me to conquer.  I want to be positive, uplifting, focus on my two girls and the baby I am carrying.  I want to just enjoy this ride  journey God has blessed me with.  I have just hit a rough spot.
I am forever grateful for the people God has put into my life.  I feel he has done that for me knowing my husband can't always be.  Sometimes though, you just want your husband.  I thank each and everyone of you who have reached out and supported, helped, listened, prayed and talked with me these past few weeks of my struggle.
I think the best compliment I received was this past weekend.  The Volunteer Coach at UCLA stopped to chat with me at the hotel while the kids were swimming and said that when he meets the woman he wants to marry she will have to meet me and have coffee with me to know what she is getting into and to learn to be a good baseball wife.  I may not always be super understanding but I have tried to really learn my role in this career run while working full time myself.  When he said that it reminded me of needing Becki to really teach and show me.  People joke about it, but you don't really get it until you live it.  You know?
Please don't take this as me being ungrateful or hating my life.  I am just struggling to find the balance that so many of us face in our own lives, marriages, work place, home, etc.  To be the best mom, healthy, good wife, teacher and so much more.  It is hard.  I know I will get through and I know I am blessed, not a day goes by that I don't forget.  My eyelids are just sore from the balling I did last night to remind me that I am also HUMAN!!!!

Until next time, God Bless and thank you all for being in my life.  :)