Drying up?! :(

It is so weird...I was just off for 3 weeks, enjoying time with Rhowan and capturing moments I will never be able to get back as she is growing so fast. I went back to work this week and have Spring Break next week. Then in May I possibly have another long term to finish out the school year with...which would totally make us set so that I wouldn't have to work this summer! :) Yay, I get to be with my princess all summer and we can go visit Daddy in Alaska...which btw I found cheaper flights for on line today, so we'll be booking that soon. I am thinking we will spend about two weeks there in June or July. Oh just thinking about it brings me to tears. TJ has been out of town the past two weekends and each Thursday morning when he leaves we sit there and say goodbye for just a short weekend and I am in tears! Yes, tears! I know...I just hate being without him...and its so hard for him too...he goes into Rhowan's room and just stares at her, eventually waking her up, so conveniently ;) and calls as much as he can to talk to her on the phone. She just smiles when he's on speaker and grabs for the phone to eat it! Like everything else she can get her hands on. Its to the point where you have to move everything out of her grasp area so that she doesn't grab it and try to eat it! Oh and she is pretty much sitting up on her own now, just not very balanced for a long period of time. Still no teeth have broken through, but oh boy, our night time routines have gotten rough...first I thought it was me because I broke her schedule Saturday night and then Monday night for Daddy's birthday (I will post pictures late, my computer was acting up) but no, she is just uncomfortable...pulling on her ears, crying after being down for a short time and taking about 2 hours to stay asleep after, its really hit or miss...I've stayed consistent with oatmeal, bath, nurse or bottle (stay tuned for the actual point of this blog, "drying up?") and then rock to sleep. I don't know what it is, age, teething, separation anxiety, testing me, ???? I just don't know. Last night I felt so helpless and TJ and I tried everything to calm her and finally after 2 hours of crying she fell asleep on my chest then went down in her crib at 10, sleeping through the night til 6 then back down til 8 after I nursed her. Normal mommies?
So bringing me back to the whole point of this...sorry ahead of time for the TMI, but here it goes...when I went for my yearly womanly exam in Feb my dr recommended the IUD for me, its a five year birth control you can take while breast feeding with the low hormones and you can take it out earlier if you'd like. We had a super long discussion, this is why I love my dr, she teaches interns at the hospital and explains everything in great detail, I was worried about having a hard time getting pregnant again. I had a really hard time getting pregnant before being blessed with Rhowan. It was one year ago tomorrow actually, that I found out...Yes, Happy April Fool's Day right? Ana and I were having a girls trip to Palm Springs, I was just a few days late, but thought, just in case, and bam!!! Ok, anyway...I am scared or was scared it would take another 2 years and didn't know if birth control helped or hurt that...she put my mind to ease, but then my ins. cancelled because it was a crappy one anyway and the premium and deduct able raised so I figured, we need to save a payment I will go HMO with TJ and Rhowan. Well, open enrollment isn't until June, so no ins for me right now. :( With that all being said, Monday I started spotting, and I couldn't believe it. I have been nursing Rhowan full time, been home with her for three weeks now and have nursed her with a bottle just here and there. So then I thought, well spotting is normal. Well I've been lightly on my period for three days now and hardly producing any milk since. Now, my goal was 6 months, which is just a few weeks away, so I am happy about that, but I've loved nursing Rhowan so much that I was going to keep going with it. Not to mention the great benefits of it for her, me and our pocket book! :) I used to be engorged in the am and pm to nurse her and now hardly am. I hardly even have enough while at work to pump at lunch. In a way I feel like its good and probably time to start weaning just in case I get that long term in May I'd have to dry up...its high school and the schedule doesn't allow for me to pump to keep my supply going. BUT I am soooooo sad over this. I called my mom on the verge of tears, well ok, I was crying, because I love nursing. I feel that bond, holding her and holding her hand, being able to calm her when she is upset, etc. I will miss it so much. So do I just let myself dry up and do am and pm feedings or try to re work up a supply? Why did I start my period? I don't understand. ;( Anyone?
I know I can get pregnant now everyone...I am very aware...we don't want two babies super close together, we want to really fully enjoy Rhowan and being a small family for now. Although, we would like to try in two years to be blessed with another baby.
Wow, I went off on a lot of tangents, I started with how could I be drying up when I was just off for 3 weeks, mostly nursing Rhowan with a bottle only here and there. I kept getting interrupted by our princess...this is two nights in a row shes woken up crying and not going back down. I have put her pacifier back in, picked her up and rocked her back down, nursed her and put her back down for the past two hours now...again, what is going on? Normal? Well time to get our lil missy back into bed, as its 3 hours past her bed time. Sorry for the tangents everyone and thank you for tuning in. When I say I am upset and stressed about something that is putting it lightly!
Have a great rest of the week. Hopefully I can post pictures soon...my computer isn't being my friend right now!
God Bless,
The Bruce's

Happy St. Patty's Day

Can you believe how fast time is flying?! Easter is almost here and we are already bringing in Spring...I can't wait to dress Rhowan in all her cute lil dresses! She is 5 months today! :) Here are some St. Patricks Day pictures I took of her out in our front yard...scrapbooking and baby book momentos...which I need to keep up with! :)

Enjoy,

The Bruce's

More pictures at 4 months

I am in my big girl bath, the real bath tub now...and I love it! :)

All dressed up for Grandma's big 50th Birthday dinner and party!

I like to put anything I can get my hands on in my mouth!!!

Cousins for life! :) Oh and I am the Boss!!! LOL (what can I say, I take after my mommy)

Adventures & Life at 4 months

I am finally posting some pictures from the last month, Rhowan at 4 months and all her adventures...going to opening game at Blair Field for Daddy, First Airplane ride to AZ for baseball games and to see Auntie Kate, playing with her cousin Lexi while Auntie Nichole babysits and some misc. She is full on putting her feet in her mouth (I know gross, but seems to be a milestone!) along with touching everything she can get her hands on...she imitates when we rumble our lips together, she is loving looking in the mirror, teethes away at all her teething toys, loves "Itzy Bitzy Spider," that is the one song that will immediately calm her down, and of course is still loving being held and close to you when she naps...she has worked me to the fullest...she will nap in her crib for everyone, but ME! I've created a princess and a spoiled one at that, but what can I say...I take advantage of her loving to snuggle with me because one day she won't want to. I know, I know, what you guys are saying, but at least I haven't brought her in my bed yet like you've all said I would! :) hahaha

As you can see, she can finally sit up in her activity jumper and LOVES it!!! Best invention ever...up to this point, nothing interested her long enough to play for 5 minutes. She has now found her joy...JUMPING or as we say, "bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!" LOL. She loves to jump and bounce and dance to the tunes of her favorite cartoons and music. She has a pretty set routine, which she's had for awhile now, but with me being home again the past two weeks its been nice to be back in a routine here at home...She is up at 7 ish, changed, fed and goes in her swing for Baby Einsteins for about 20-30 min. (shower time for mommy!) Then the vibrating chair, activity jumper and nap time about 9:30. Once we are up, we do tummy time, play mat time, read in her bedroom and more activity jumper. Then walk and hopefully another nap! We have moved her bedtime to 7, so we start at 6 with oatmeal, just graduated from rice cereal this week, Super Messy!!! So bath time after and nursing then bed. However, with her teething already the bedtime isn't so fast anymore, its been taking me about 30 or so minutes to get her down...my poor baby! Can you believe she will be 5 months in just three days?! Time flies when you are having fun.

TJ and I were just talking tonight about how good our lives are and how you could never imagine loving something or someone as much as we love and admire our princess...it was pretty neat hearing him be the one to say that! :) We were talking about how hard it will be with him in Alaska all summer, but probably not the best decision for us to go with him for many reasons we've made as a family. I have so much faith that all will be ok...our marriage is stronger than ever and not just for our daughter, however that is what I believe has enriched it, but just for all we've been through, learned about each other and our marriage and being with each other and being in love! We are so blessed.

Anyways hope you enjoyed our picture update!

xoxoxo,

The Bruce's

Layla...Flying with Angels

Many of you are probably wondering, "who is Layla? Why is she so consumed with this little girl?" Well, for some reason I happened to come across this cute website on Friday, I had posted previously about, called, Laylagrayce.com. On this website, which was named after her, there were links for a twitter, facebook and blog page about the little girl. Later, after giving my sister the website and having her text me that she was crying her eyes out, I decided to really read the blog. That was last night...Oh my goodness, I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't wrap my mind around how strong this family was for going through this with their two year old little girl...one of the most beautiful baby girls I've ever laid my eyes on...they talked about their journey with finding out Layla had cancer, to finding more tumors back in January and realizing that it was terminal. I was hysterical. Her parents strength, faith, and love for life has amazed me, its unbelievable how positive and together they have managed to keep it as normal as possible and together, for their two other little girls who are 3 and 9. I have prayed over and over for the siblings and parents and most of all for Layla to no longer be in pain with her battle of cancer. Then I got the twitter news this morning, "Layla went to play with the angels early this morning. Rest in peace precious Layla." I was hysterical...I couldn't fathom losing my baby girl and felt so much sadness for her and her family. I didn't even know her and my heart was and still is literally breaking for her and the family. I am telling you this and sharing this with you because she has touched my life in a way I could never put into words...but I am going to try.

God showed me this website for a reason...whatever that was, I want to take from it what I can. I don't believe in coincidences but in God's plan. He is showing me and so many others how easy it is to take life's moments, the smallest of moments and not take them for granted. To enjoy our moments as mommies, wives, daughters, aunts, etc. Layla has shown me that Rhowan is the greatest blessing God has ever given to me, she has made me happier than I've ever been in my entire life. My purpose is to be a mom and I want to do it with grace and patience. There is nothing more important than the families we build. This little girl had a different purpose and God brought her story into so many of our lives for a greater reason. I am aching for her and her family and so sad, but trying to have the faith her parents do to help me understand this. I am trying to look at the positive and not focus on the "what ifs" and tragic things that can happen. I have prayed and prayed for Layla and her family, I have learned to love in the moment and enjoy the moments I have in the presence of them happening. To not live with regret, or impatience of Rhowan crying, because at least I have a healthy daughter to cry for me and for me to care for.
I could go on for weeks, days, hours, paragraphs, about this story, its meaning and the impact its had on me. I am so touched, beyond words. I want to spread the word to you guys, to help donate if you can, you can log onto the family blog and read back to the beginning if your heart can stand it. http://laylagrace.org/ on this blog you can donate using the paypal link, you can go to any Wells Fargo and donate to Layla Grace Marsh Donation account, you can also email them at fightforlayla@gmail.com. I am seeing what I can do to get involved and help with the family and other families who are suffering from this same cancer Neuroblastoma.
Thank you for listening, keep your thoughts and prayers for Layla and her family. She is no longer in pain and a guardian angel to her sisters and mommy and daddy. RIP Layla Grace Marsh. You have touched my life and have forever made an impact.
It is not the challenges that God brings us, but how we come out of them that make who we are and the life we live. God has challenged me with many things, nothing compared to others', however, my marriage with TJ couldn't be better and our family and happiness with one another is the most amazing thing we could have ever asked for.
I love you all and thank you for being in our life. I am counting our blessings each and every day.
Love,
The Bruce's

Professional Shopper?!

Oh my goodness...I can't stop shopping for our little princess...yes, the already very well taken care of princess of ours that probably needs nothing, but every time I see a cute boutique I can't resist. She is so much fun to dress up with her bows, now matching bibs (spitting up and teething has become an every day hobby of hers, so we find cute bibs to match every outfit and not take it over!) and the ever so cute little shoes (soft bottom/sole). I just can't help myself when I see these cute things, for very good prices I might add. Oh geez, I've been home one night,not going to the baseball game to keep Rhowan on her routine and my boredom between shows and laundry turns into shopping! LOL. Oh well, it must run in the family...her grandma and Oma loves to shop too! :)
So I found these two new websites...LOVE them!
www.bellaclairehome.com and www.laylagrayce.com. I was reading and layla grace is actually named after a foundation for a young girl who is dying of an unusual cancer in babies and young children...sad story and made me want to shop on it even more to carry on her legacy. For those of you with little girls and/or girls to shop for, check these out. Super cute stuff. I bought Rhowan some things and my new niece for her Easter basket. How I love all the little holidays now with babies and kids around.
My life couldn't be better right now...we are so blessed and I've never been happier. A friend of mine from the credential program was over last week and said, "Heather, motherhood suits you. You are so happy." I was so pleased and flattered with that compliment/comment. She is absolutely right, not to toot my own horn, but I am the happiest I've been in a long time. I rock Rhowan to sleep each night and thank God for our princess, our family we've created and say she is the next best thing that has happened in my life, next to marrying her daddy of course cause without that we wouldn't have her. :) And of course the love, support and blessings our families and friends continue to flourish us with. Ahhh, life is good...God is good! :)
So enough of my rambling. I just went on a tangent there...Love you all and hope all is well with you guys. Maybe I should get out more and go to more games...I spend less and talk less! LOL. So looking forward to taking next week off to spend time with my princess...although I may have to ban myself from the computer, so I don't do any more shopping! :)
Love you guys,
The Bruce's

Rhowan's 1st Plane Ride

Daddy had his first road trip for this baseball season to University of Arizona. I decided what better place to go then to visit Auntie Kate all in the same weekend...it was a short flight, which was a good tester for our princess and it was an easy trip. Rhowan did very well on the plane. I was a bit nervous, not gonna lie. But with Uncle Brian and Grandpa there to help get all our stuff through security, checked in, etc. we did pretty darn good! I had timed it just right for her feeding so that she would be eating on the take off and landing for her ears. She was a bit fussy when we got on the plane, but the second I gave her that bottle all was good! :) She turned heads all over the airplane, our bundle of joy, so precious and cute...yes, I am tooting her own horn! LOL.

Our weekend went pretty good. It was so nice to get to visit with friends that were in town, Troy and Danyll, they went to all the games and loved playing and sitting with Rhowan (ok and her mommy too!) We had a great time...Rhowan was a bit of her schedule and out of her element, then on top of that she is full on teething, so my poor baby was a bit more fussier than usual, but as expected. She did sleep better Saturday night, after hardly any sleep Friday and no naps Saturday. Then Sunday the game was rained out, oh yeah, did I mention Long Beach won Friday night and Saturday. It was super cold but we had our love bug bundled for the freaking snow. Oh and the hecklers...let me tell you, I am not good with those people...I was shaking I was so pissed...so not used to that degree of heckling...they had full on papers typed up and had googled TJ and every player to dish it ALL out on the field...we had to move because he had conveniently gotten stuck in front of them Friday night. I had turned around and gave a real friendly, "excuse me, but that is my husband, this is our baby so do you think you can keep it to a minimum tonight?!" They pretty much said, no! Well duh, this was their Friday night, with nothing better to do...they live for this! So we moved and listened to it from there. By Saturday night, and with our lovely score, it all became funny to me. Oh the love of the game!

Ok, well back to the traveling princess...she overall traveled well, fussier than usual, but in a much better mood on Sunday and loving all the 24/7 attention she got from Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Brian, Aunt Kate, Aunt Danyll, Uncle Troy and mommy and daddy of course. Needless to say, her babysitter had to pay the consequences today when she wanted to be held ALL day! :( She will adjust...back on her schedule tonight all will be good! :) She is going to have to get used to the traveling with her Daddy going to Alaska all summer and having the type of job he does...and Mommy loves to travel. She did good in the pack and play and slept the whole plane ride home. She just isn't too fond of having to sit for longer than 2 minutes! LOL Yes, she is the product of a high strung child herself...me! :)

I will post more pics later, but here is one Uncle Brian took while we waited at the airport for our rental car...too cute! :)

Love you guys,

The Bruce's

xoxo

Vote for Rhowan

Hi Everyone,
I am sure you are all tired of my emails asking you to vote for Rhowan, but they will keep coming! LOL. Don't worry, contest is over next week! ;) I do ask you all to keep using the link I gave to you and vote each and every day this week. We would love for our princess to brighten those around reading the Parent magazine the way she brightens our lives each and every day.

Come back daily! Voting ends 03/07/2010.Get your friends and family to vote too! Just forward this email to them or share the link. http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/photo/148005

More updates later, it was a busy weekend, Rhowans first plane ride and baseball trip to see Daddy. We are exhausted and have another full week ahead. Talk to you all soon.

love,
The Bruce's