June...phew what a busy month it's been!

Some pictures to show just how much has been happening and I will catch up on my blogging later!!!  

Yep we are having a baby boy!!!!

Ucla made it to the college World Series for a second year in a row!!!! 

Ucla won and has made it to the finals of CWS...and uncle Troy payed a visit in Omaha for last nights game!!!!  It's been busy!

Harloes 2nd Birthday

Here are some pictures from the weekend and of course I will blog about our birthday girl this week!

Life of a Baseball Widow

Some of you are reading this and saying, "Widow?"  Yes, widow  well ok, wife.  I have joked about it time and time again and I try to always have a positive attitude about it.  When TJ first started this career we were just starting our marriage so needless to say, it was a bit difficult, challenging and awful to be honest.  However, we don't know any different of a marriage, other than how each of us were raised of course.  We decided early on his career would be the one we follow.  The best thing that ever happened to me was meeting the Green Family.  At the time, Becki's husband was a coach at UCLA, kind of ironic right?  TJ was at LB State as a Volunteer Coach.  They became very close friends of ours very quickly.  In this career you hang on to good people you meet because you need all the support you can get.  She showed me, talked to me, let me in, and helped me learn the ropes of what the reality really was as a baseball wife and mom. (We had no children yet, so I still didn't really get it.)  I am forever grateful for our dinners, talks, drinking nights with the hubbies, parties at their home on 2nd.  It helped me really see how to stick by your husband during the demands of this career and how to be strong and independent.  Not that I needed any teaching on that, I have that down to a T! :)
With all that being said, I still struggle.  Yes, everyone, I struggle.  Believe it or not I cry out for help and hit a breaking point too.  I struggle with being a mommy to two young princesses, pregnant with a third, working full time and a husband who is never home.  Not because he doesn't want to be but because his career and our livelihood depend on it.  I always say, I know no different and this is our life and be grateful for what we have.  Which I am.  We are blessed and have the best support system/family that gets it (the best that they can) and helps me with the kids A LOT whenever they can.  Then why does it have to get so hard?  Why am I struggling so hard?  I have hit a point where its not fair to have your own husband physically there to hold you tight and tell you it will be ok when you had a rough day, week, month.  It isn't fair to not have a husband there to help with the kids and do family things together and share in every memory.  Ughhhh, I feel awful as I type this and say it out loud because there are single parents out there who don't choose to be single and believe me, I KNOW that.  I pray to God everyday for how thankful I am and to continue to give me strength.  I just feel more overwhelmed right now than I ever have.  I feel guilty complaining reaching out, because I don't have it that bad.  But sometimes you feel more alone when you aren't really alone than if you truly were alone.  Does that even make sense???  And you all know, I am open with my heart, emotions and feelings, but I don't like asking for help or showing I am defeated.  So this is hard for me to conquer.  I want to be positive, uplifting, focus on my two girls and the baby I am carrying.  I want to just enjoy this ride  journey God has blessed me with.  I have just hit a rough spot.
I am forever grateful for the people God has put into my life.  I feel he has done that for me knowing my husband can't always be.  Sometimes though, you just want your husband.  I thank each and everyone of you who have reached out and supported, helped, listened, prayed and talked with me these past few weeks of my struggle.
I think the best compliment I received was this past weekend.  The Volunteer Coach at UCLA stopped to chat with me at the hotel while the kids were swimming and said that when he meets the woman he wants to marry she will have to meet me and have coffee with me to know what she is getting into and to learn to be a good baseball wife.  I may not always be super understanding but I have tried to really learn my role in this career run while working full time myself.  When he said that it reminded me of needing Becki to really teach and show me.  People joke about it, but you don't really get it until you live it.  You know?
Please don't take this as me being ungrateful or hating my life.  I am just struggling to find the balance that so many of us face in our own lives, marriages, work place, home, etc.  To be the best mom, healthy, good wife, teacher and so much more.  It is hard.  I know I will get through and I know I am blessed, not a day goes by that I don't forget.  My eyelids are just sore from the balling I did last night to remind me that I am also HUMAN!!!!

Until next time, God Bless and thank you all for being in my life.  :)

Another post...another baby on the way!

So much time has passed and I keep asking myself, what is missing from the days I loved being home with Rhowan...I think it may be blogging.  I miss the days of being a mommy, sharing my thoughts, feelings and obstacles of mommy hood.  With working full time those obstacles are even more so, therefore all the need to blog more.  However, not a minute of time to do it.  :(

Here we are in May of 2013, approaching summer (I can't wait to be home with my girls), Harloe's 2nd Birthday, and so much more.  I am finishing my second year working full time as a teacher at the private school and feeling totally blessed, however over worked and overwhelmed.  I feel so under appreciated as a teacher and wonder how to balance my life as a mommy and teacher every second of the day.  I can't even tell you how many times I pray about it and ask God, "How can I find a balance?"  I know I am not listening because I am sure he is telling me, but I just keep going, going and going.  Then boom!  Blessed with another baby on the way and due this October, right before Rhowan turns 4.  So once again, lots of prayers, questions and seeking of guidance is under way.  I couldn't be happier to be where I am today, given so much that TJ and I have worked so hard for and have always been so passionate about.  Who can honestly say they get to do what they always dreamt about.  Here we are, both blessed in our careers and a growing family and life is so chaotic that we forget to stop and enjoy that and be thankful for it.  I am sooooo guilty of this!!!  I have bounced back and forth between being a stay at home mommy and giving up my passion for a time the girls are in school to keep grinding it out because its taken me so long to get here.  We all know with TJ's career it makes those priorities to my children even more so.  I feel that guilt when I am not with them.  I feel the loss that I didn't get to share the time I did with Rhowan with Harloe.  I feel the pain of not knowing what to do now with another little one on the way and my kids being so small and close together in age.  Then I feel the defensiveness I have to answer to with people saying and looking at me like I am crazy for having another baby on the way.  Why does that bother me soooo incredibly much.  Why do I feel like I have to stop the stares, the comments, the passive aggressiveness in people?  I have never been one to care what people think.  Now I feel like I am consumed with it.  I feel like people forget what it is like to have young children, to be a mom to small kids.  People and their patience and compassion are long gone.  When I am in a restaurant, grocery store, church, etc.  Even at my own workplace at a school function.  Again, why am I letting this get to me so badly?
I do have to say that so much good has come from my job of working at our home parish.  I have met people I think I will be life long friends with, genuine people.  I have had the opportunity to give my children their first sacraments at the very church I was raised in.  I have finally felt that connection with God, that void I had all these years of knowing my religion and the roots of it and my relationship with God and what that meant.  I have tried to be a better person with all these contributors, however, I have still managed to struggle with the balance of my role as a mom, wife and teacher (working full time).  With the third one on the way, that pull and struggle is even more so.  The  unknown is scary for me as I am a planner on steroids.
With all that being said we are so incredibly busy with another baseball season coming under wraps, a school year ending, house plans underway to remodel and our two busy princesses.
I know there could be so much more to be dealing with and that I am grateful for.  We are healthy, happy, blessed and have a roof over our heads with two paying jobs.  We have it sooo good!!!

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Wow...how time flies!!!

So, yeah, I basically stopped blogging after Rhowan's 2nd birthday which was almost 6 months ago. Which means, Rhowan will be two and a half this month and Harloe just turned 10 months old. OH MY!!!! So I am not even sure if we have followers anymore or how often I will honestly be able to keep up on this, but I MISS it so much. I truly enjoyed blogging in a therapeutic way and to share our memories and lives with our loved ones.

So a little bit of a re cap in the Bruce lives...

Rhowan:

As I said, she will be 2 1/2 this month...she is potty trained as of December, however still will NOT go pooh on the toilet, so she brings me a pull up (princess pull up of course), does her business then comes to get me after. UGhhhh, I have bribed with it all...and so now, I am going to start her in the ballet class (my bribery for after pooh in the toilet) and see if she will feel like a big girl and then go pooh in the toilet. Worth a shot, right?! And, she is still on her...PLUGGY (pacifier)! She only gets it at home, not with grandma, not at daycare, but the second she sees me, she wines for it!!!! I am soooo over the pluggy!!!! We are down to one left in the house (that she knows about) and I have tried a few times to "lose" it, but we give in during the whee hours of the night in hopes of not waking Harloe up and having two crying children up in the middle of the night. Other than the fun stuff, she is a smart, witty, cuddle bug, loving, full of life, (and that two year old attitude) little girl that I couldn't be more proud of. Her vocabulary, independence and everything about her just blows my mind. I know we all think our own kids are great, but Rhowan is among them. ;) She can fully use and maneuver my iphone and daddy's ipad for her apps and pictures and knows who to call and how to find them on the phone. She still loves to read and is currently obsessed with Strawberry Shortcake and Disney Princess', go figure. She is spoiled and gets to go to Disneyland often as Grandma (who is watching both girls for mommy Mondays and Tuesdays) has a pass and so does mommy!

Rhowan is adjusted to me working but still gives me those puppy dog eyes on certain days saying, "No work mommy." Oh it breaks my heart. She knows daddy is gone a lot for baseball and has gotten used to that, that was a tough one as she is getting old enough to realize him being gone a lot and on airplanes. And she is the best big sister one could ask for. She loves her "Baby Harloe Grayce" so much!!!!

Harloe:

Harloe just turned 10 months old on April 7th and is about ready to walk any day now. Rhowan was just 10 months old when she took her first steps and I think Harloe is right behind her. She is anxious to get down and play with her big sister and cousins. She gets so excited. She is such a good baby, sleeps well (goes down well, in her crib!), eats well, she is so calm and easy going. I feel like she had no choice because her sister is enough drama for the both of them! :) We truly are blessed with our girls, they are both good!

I often feel that guilt, that many say is normal for the 2nd child, but I don't want it to be normal guilt. I feel sad that I never get or got that one-on-one quiet time with Harloe the way I did with Rhowan. That I went right back to work after Harloe after saying I was going to stay home with her. (Although, she is in great hands and luckily didn't have to start daycare til 6 months old.) I just miss her as a baby, but with Rhowan at such a vulnerable age she sucked most of everything out of us and the DR said, she is the one that needs it. Harloe has love, food, diapers and that's all she needs, but it still makes me sad. :( I know she will be a better baby, little girl and person for it. (As I was a 2nd child too!) :)

With all that being said, I am so excited for the girls to start to play together and truly enjoy each other. I know they will be the best of friends.

TJ:

As always, baseball, baseball, and oh more baseball. If he isn't recruiting, scouting, coaching, returning calls or emails, he is sleeping or in the office!!!! I miss my husband and I know what his job entails, but it gets really hard. (and lonely too.) He is such a good daddy and misses the girls to pieces when he is home. He leaves for work when we are all still asleep and gets home when we've all gone to bed. I know it will all pay off and that he is doing what he loves, but it's hard. He is so great at what he does and has such a big future in front of him for his career and our family. I am so proud of him and know the girls will be too when they are old enough to understand. He has truly worked his way to the top for what he has wanted and is finally seeing it pay off but still earning those stripes as this is only his second season with UCLA. Keep him in your prayers for job security and the well being of himself and our family during the demands of his career. :)

Oh and we just celebrated his 30th Birhday...which we all know TJ is a no fuss muss guy and I had to get every inch of approval to try and do something small and quaint, that he would still enjoy and remember. It was perfect, well I think so anyway...he loves to get together with everyone as he misses out on a lot because of his career and never gets to indulge in those nights out, vacations, visits, etc.

Me:

Well I am two months away from finishing that long term sub job I started back in August I decided I was going to be a stay at home mommy and this opportunity pretty much fell in my lap. It turned out to be an all year thing but still only the Long Term Status when it came to pay...hard pill to swallow (and still is) but hoping all my hard work and dedication will pay off in the end for a permanent contract for next year and that most importantly, God brought me back to my home parish I was raised in. I truly feel that He placed me there, in this position, doing what I love, learning even more about my faith and building my relationship with God even more and being close to home and my girls! I am blessed and do have so much to be thankful for. So in the end, yes, I feel I got a little screwed with being paid as a long term all year, but the end gift is priceless. I keep telling myself that anyway.

So after 5 years of marriage, two kids and turning 30, I can honestly say, I'm finally where I've wanted to be for all those years I dreamt about as a little girl. It was not an easy rode, but worth the ride.

Updated pictures to come. I hope this update finds you all in great health, happiness and love around you.