I love my life...

So lately I have been really down and out on myself and so incredibly hard and judgemental on myself. I had told myself, ok Heather, enough of this already. Then I read a post on a blog that I follow of a stay at home mom, whom I don't even know, but love to read her theories from a book she reads and follows along with some good advice she puts out there from being a mom of three.

Well come to find out, I am not the only mommy who struggles with balance and freaking out over the littlest of things in life. Like really Heather, if she only wants green beans every meal, who freaking cares! I need to learn to laugh more than cry as she so easily puts it. She says by the second and then third you really learn to do this better and she would stress, worry, freak out about all the little things that I so often see myself worried about. Then after her first she sees herself realizing, its not one size fits all. We are all doing our best and learning as we go. Enjoy it and stop stressing over so much. Such as naps, food and eating times, sleeping through the night, getting dirty, getting off her routine and schedule, etc. I need to learn to sit back, enjoy these moments and laugh more than cry and stressing out. I have it so good. I pretty much get to be home with my princess every day and get things done I want to get done that used to have to wait til the weekends. Being a stay at home mommy is wayyyyy harder than I ever imagined it to be. It has taken a lot of patience and balance to put aside things I know I won't get to do with Rhowan home with me, however, it beats waking up every day to go to work and leaving her. Although, there are times I do miss that. I took Nate to school last week, walked him up to his classroom, looked inside with envy of the teacher, she has my dream. I want that to be me with 20 little kinders around me that I get to teach all day. I walked away from the school feeling like a loser and that my dreams and passion have left me. I have gotten so frustrated with the bs of education and layoffs that I was over ever going back to work. I don't want to say I've given up, but if its meant to be it will be there when all, yes I said all, my kids are going into school. Maybe this is what God had planned for me, to be at home with my babies. In that case, I am blessed and happy to do it. Thank you hunny for allowing it to happen by working so hard and following your passion to see it come through for us as a family.

I have really taken a step back with all the sad stories I hear lately of babies, cancer, tragedies, etc. and put things back into perspective with my life. I love being at home...even after the rough days of teething, fussy, no naps on some days, can't run in and get a quick eyebrow wax because oh boy, it would be an ugly scene of Rhowan waiting for mommy! But I wouldn't trade any of that for the world.

Now that is, as long as I get my adult time too...my girls time, my date nights, and some interaction with others. I do find myself lonelier, not having as much adult interaction, so it is something TJ and I need to understand of one another that I need that too. Last weekend we had our first annual girls trip that we have decided to do once a year with our crazy, busy lives of Grad School, being wives, mommies, and just busy. It was much needed and a great time. I am so glad we did it, although it took some, well let's say several conversations to explain to TJ why I needed this "vacation" as he called it for a one night getaway. I think its healthy and normal and good for all of us. Rhowan needs to be with others than just me and learn to socialize and be ok without me. I want all her transitions and milestones to go well. Here I go again, stressing! LOL. Anyway.

There are so many goals I have of being a stay at home mommy right now...On the top of that list, scrap booking Rhowan's 1st year. I want to learn to cook. I have been jogging about 3 times a week and would like to keep that up while going back to Yoga. I want to join a mommy and me class of music and/or dance as Rhowan loves to do both! There is of course so much more I strive for while I am home with her to make sure I am the best mommy I can be and that she is the happiest baby she can be. But I have accepted not every day will be perfect, so stop being such a perfectionist and over analyzing EVERYTHING! :)

Well just thought I'd share that with you all and hope you all have a fantastic Friday and great weekend.

xoxoxo,

Heather