Most of you will agree that you often hear me say, "Leave it up to God," or "Just allow things to fall into its place," "All will work itself out," etc. It's about dang time I take my own advice. I don't know if it's hormones lately, adjusting, just being overwhelmed and tired, being totally over critical of myself, too high of expectations, or just me being a stress case.
I have been really bumming it this past week...a lot on my mind, just thinking ahead, that come August neither TJ or I have jobs to fall back on, ins. for any of us and our careers passionately waiting to take off. When we got married who would have ever thought, almost 4 years later we'd still NOT have our careers off the ground. I have been really good about saying, "God will take care of it." Which he has been. I have such strong faith in knowing He will take care of us, but it is just scary. I am so scared for TJ to go away all summer, although I couldn't be more proud of him, I am scared that come June 1st he has no more stable income from his day job, which means no ins for Rhowan?! That kills me, I have been researching up and down trying to figure out our options. I could care less about TJ or me not having ins. but not our little princess. I will not allow that to happen. I have a long term coming up in two weeks to carry me through the end of the school year...12th grade government, which I am really nervous about, seniors, oh God! However, it will allow me to not have to work in the summer and have our house paid for the summer and then once August comes, that's it. I am just trying to "Leave it to God," and hope it all works out. I am just having such a hard time with all this right now and its really taking over me. I had a long, tiring week at work, stressing about summer, bills, my husband leaving, insurance, and everything else, I just can't seem to move forward. I feel like everything has been going so well for us and I just don't want it to start going backwards.
Then I have my overly self critic that tears myself up and down...I want to be the best possible mommy and wife I can be. I feel like there is always something I can and should be doing better. I want to make sure I am not creating bad habits or some of the kids I've seen in the career that I am in, I see a lot that I know are the product of home lives and parents. I don't want to repeat those mistakes. I kill myself over making sure Rhowan never has to come from a broken home. I want her to have two parents that are so in love with each other forever. That is so important to me. TJ and I have grown up together and I want us to live out our dreams together for better or worse.
I always think I am doing something wrong, second guessing myself an my friends and family have been telling me, "Heather, its ok, she is doing great, you can leave her for a few hours to have "you" time, leave her for a night, its normal...I just haven't been ready for that...however, I finally got coached through it and am glad I did it. Everyone has been so supportive and making me feel like I am not crazy. I feel like I over think everything and I don't want to do that, I want to enjoy her for the moments we will never get back. She is the light of our lives. She is our princess and has filled a void in my heart that I never knew existed or knew it was there, but didn't know why...now I know, I was meant to be a mommy and need to just enjoy it.
Well I've totally babbled, gone on tangents and this all probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but thanks to all our family and friends for being a part of our lives. Thank you for all your continued support, love and prayers.
Love,
The Bruce's
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Update...
I have finally uploaded pictures from TJ's birthday and Rhowan's First Easter. I posted a few on the last post just before this. I do have to say that this was one of the best Easter's we've had. I just feel like Easter is such a holiday for the little ones and now that we finally have one of our own, it made it that much more special. However, two of the most important and key people in our family were missing...they were enjoying themselves on a vacation of a lifetime, a cruise to the Panama Canal, but they were truly missed. Grandma and Grandpa/ Gigi and Papa, we hope you never miss another holiday. I know you would've loved to of been there. Aunt Peggy did a great job as a hostess and planner for the festivities of the day. It all went so well, the food was great, the games were fun and the company was enjoyable. Overall, great day. :)
Rhowan was truly spoiled. She got her Easter basket at home before church, then after church she went to Oma and Papa's and got two Easter baskets there (from Auntie Nichole and Uncle Anthony and Oma and Papa) then we went to Aunt Peggy's and she got more goodies. Then last but not least, she went to Grandma and Grandpa's and got another Easter basket. She is so blessed and spoiled, we couldn't be more thankful for all that people love her with.
I am feeling like Rhowan is growing faster than I can blink an eye...it is one milestone after another and I can't stay on top of the blog posts, baby books, house work, working during the day and loving my precious princess. Wow, where do the hours in a day go?
Our princess will be 6 months on the 20th. She is now eating baby food...I made my own homemade baby food tonight for the first time. I was given a baby food maker and wow, it was a bit complicated at first with directions, I had my asst "Big Jen" or "Nurse Jen" as one of her many nicknames we call her and we got it all figured out. Rhowan was in her bumpo supervising and Jen was reading the directions. We were successful, Rhowan loved her sweet potatoes and wanted more and more of them! It was the greatest feeling knowing I was able to make her such a healthy and safe meal with no crap added in the jar, and not to mention so cost effective. I bought ice cube trays and made her meals for the week! I am so excited...my next goal is to go buy a baby cook book! :) She is such a good eater, she helps me bring the spoon to her mouth and everything! LOL. It is so exciting...soon she will be eating real food, its crazy how fast it goes.
Her one bottom tooth is almost completely through, you can see the top of it peeking up through the gums and since then, Easter Sunday, she has been back to sleeping much better. She is sitting up on her own, rolling all over and army crawling backwards and rocking on all fours getting ready to crawl. It will be soon, so baby proofing here we come. I left her in her room, on her play mat for 2 minutes to change laundry and she had backward crawled and turned herself all around across the entire room!
She is also getting to the point where she knows and recognizes people. As her book says, "stranger anxiety," she definitely cries and gets nervous if she doesn't recognize someone. I feel bad when she does that, but I know its a part of her development and she will hopefully get past that! She is just such a happy baby and so good. She totally sits on her own in a high chair and even a shopping cart now. I feel like my baby is already so grown up...no more carrying that heavy baby carrier around (although, I got good biceps from that thing). I have one of those high chair and shopping cart covers, which is the best invention ever, they have toys attached and strings to hold things for her, its pretty cool and a life saver. Makes things much easier on mommy. I used to break my back doing grocery shopping with her in the baby bjourn! She sits in her high chair and entertains herself, so curious and wanting our food, but behaving herself so well, that mommy even gets to enjoy her meals now! :)
Well that is just some of what's new in our crazy, busy lives. I know it seems like a lot, but like I said, its "crazy, busy."
I will continue to update as much as I can. I am working as much as I can to save for summer. I start my long term in May to take me to the end of the school year, then plan on heading to Alaska to see Daddy for a few weeks. We have a lot upcoming, so stay posted!
Love and miss you all. We think of you all often even if the days get away from us and we don't get to see or talk often.
xoxoxo,
The Bruce's
Rhowan was truly spoiled. She got her Easter basket at home before church, then after church she went to Oma and Papa's and got two Easter baskets there (from Auntie Nichole and Uncle Anthony and Oma and Papa) then we went to Aunt Peggy's and she got more goodies. Then last but not least, she went to Grandma and Grandpa's and got another Easter basket. She is so blessed and spoiled, we couldn't be more thankful for all that people love her with.
I am feeling like Rhowan is growing faster than I can blink an eye...it is one milestone after another and I can't stay on top of the blog posts, baby books, house work, working during the day and loving my precious princess. Wow, where do the hours in a day go?
Our princess will be 6 months on the 20th. She is now eating baby food...I made my own homemade baby food tonight for the first time. I was given a baby food maker and wow, it was a bit complicated at first with directions, I had my asst "Big Jen" or "Nurse Jen" as one of her many nicknames we call her and we got it all figured out. Rhowan was in her bumpo supervising and Jen was reading the directions. We were successful, Rhowan loved her sweet potatoes and wanted more and more of them! It was the greatest feeling knowing I was able to make her such a healthy and safe meal with no crap added in the jar, and not to mention so cost effective. I bought ice cube trays and made her meals for the week! I am so excited...my next goal is to go buy a baby cook book! :) She is such a good eater, she helps me bring the spoon to her mouth and everything! LOL. It is so exciting...soon she will be eating real food, its crazy how fast it goes.
Her one bottom tooth is almost completely through, you can see the top of it peeking up through the gums and since then, Easter Sunday, she has been back to sleeping much better. She is sitting up on her own, rolling all over and army crawling backwards and rocking on all fours getting ready to crawl. It will be soon, so baby proofing here we come. I left her in her room, on her play mat for 2 minutes to change laundry and she had backward crawled and turned herself all around across the entire room!
She is also getting to the point where she knows and recognizes people. As her book says, "stranger anxiety," she definitely cries and gets nervous if she doesn't recognize someone. I feel bad when she does that, but I know its a part of her development and she will hopefully get past that! She is just such a happy baby and so good. She totally sits on her own in a high chair and even a shopping cart now. I feel like my baby is already so grown up...no more carrying that heavy baby carrier around (although, I got good biceps from that thing). I have one of those high chair and shopping cart covers, which is the best invention ever, they have toys attached and strings to hold things for her, its pretty cool and a life saver. Makes things much easier on mommy. I used to break my back doing grocery shopping with her in the baby bjourn! She sits in her high chair and entertains herself, so curious and wanting our food, but behaving herself so well, that mommy even gets to enjoy her meals now! :)
Well that is just some of what's new in our crazy, busy lives. I know it seems like a lot, but like I said, its "crazy, busy."
I will continue to update as much as I can. I am working as much as I can to save for summer. I start my long term in May to take me to the end of the school year, then plan on heading to Alaska to see Daddy for a few weeks. We have a lot upcoming, so stay posted!
Love and miss you all. We think of you all often even if the days get away from us and we don't get to see or talk often.
xoxoxo,
The Bruce's
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Grandma's 50th Continued...
We all had such an amazing time...I wish I could post more from the party, there were so many great pictures that turned out. Once again, thanks to Angela for capturing another one of our memories.
Grandma's 50th
Here are some pictures from Grandma's 50th Birthday party. It was black and white theme...dress to impress and a SURPRISE. We had a great time. I was so happy to have all my family in one place, its so nice when we all can combine things from both sides of the family. Thank you to everyone who shared in celebrating this evening...it was a great turn out, with everyone pitching in to help. We had a really good time...it was so nice to get to kick back, while everyone loved holding Rhowan, so that I could have some fun too! :)
Enjoy the pictures from the evening...these are just a few.
Daddy on another road trip :(
Well baseball season it is, so another weekend with Daddy not home. :( It actually hasn't been too bad this year, luckily they aren't on the road much this season, however it is so different for him to leave now that our little princess is here. Our first year of marriage he was gone a lot! I hated it, it was such culture shock to me with us being newly weds and in a new apartment. Then I met some wonderful wives who talked and guided me through this whole baseball career lifestyle. The second year wasn't so bad, I was getting used to it. The third year we won't get into. But now, going into our 4th year married and TJ's fourth year with the Dirtbags, its a whole new ballgame. We have a little one now, so I can't just keep myself busy while he is out of town and plan all my girls lunches, nights out, weekend getaways, etc. Don't get me wrong, I am not upset about that, I love being a mommy. I just hate being home without him. It is so lonely and we miss him so much when he leaves. I have cried every time he says good bye to us, for just a weekend, how will I get through the summer of him being in Alaska. I know that this is for his career and it's his passion, so that is what brings me through each hard night alone. I know that God will take care of us and is bringing us through each of these experiences for a reason. I am just praying for one of our careers to finally pay off, so for that I will do whatever it takes to stand by TJ and his dream of being a coach. I don't know how these MLB wives do it?! :)
Each trip when Daddy gets home he goes in to see Rhowan sleeping peacefully in her crib, then accidentally wakes her up ;) and how convenient daddy gets to see his baby girl that he missed so much. Then mommy gets to put her back down after he has stimulated and played with her in the middle of the night. But what a small price to pay to have him home after a long weekend away. We will miss you this weekend hunny and I promise to go on the next road trip. He has begged us to go on each one, but it is soooooo much work to travel with Rhowan and all her belongings right now! I know, I know, she is going to have to get used to it and she will. We will be going to Alaska this summer for 2 or 3 weeks and that will be a fun travel and airport adventure all alone! Oh God, I am already stressing that now! LOL.
Well I have lots of pictures to upload from Daddy's birthday last week, Easter, and some others, so I will get on that and post very shortly.
Hope you all had an amazing Easter with your families and friends. Love to you all.
xxoo,
The Bruce's
Each trip when Daddy gets home he goes in to see Rhowan sleeping peacefully in her crib, then accidentally wakes her up ;) and how convenient daddy gets to see his baby girl that he missed so much. Then mommy gets to put her back down after he has stimulated and played with her in the middle of the night. But what a small price to pay to have him home after a long weekend away. We will miss you this weekend hunny and I promise to go on the next road trip. He has begged us to go on each one, but it is soooooo much work to travel with Rhowan and all her belongings right now! I know, I know, she is going to have to get used to it and she will. We will be going to Alaska this summer for 2 or 3 weeks and that will be a fun travel and airport adventure all alone! Oh God, I am already stressing that now! LOL.
Well I have lots of pictures to upload from Daddy's birthday last week, Easter, and some others, so I will get on that and post very shortly.
Hope you all had an amazing Easter with your families and friends. Love to you all.
xxoo,
The Bruce's
Rhowan and Lexi
My sister had Alexa's first photographs taken a few weeks ago, here at our house, one afternoon while she was watching both the girls. Our friend Angela did an amazing job. Here are just a few, Rhowan took a few with Lexi, however when she sees a camera she thinks it's all about her! LOL. She knows to follow that lens and smile! Angela has been taking Rhowan's pictures since she was just 4 weeks old, so I guess we have her trained well now! :)
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