Stay at home mommy?!

Hello everyone,
It's been awhile since I've blogged and although I always feel like there is so much to say and update with, there is just not enough hours in the day.
Daddy has been home for almost two weeks, but it has been non stop ever since. We had a great reunion at the airport at 6 am, woke the princess up to see Daddy coming home, we were both dressed in our UCLA shirts and had posters for him to see right as he walked out those doors to baggage claim. Yes, I said UCLA and posters. I was not able to blog it right away, which took a lot of the excitement away, but we were slowly, very slowly, able to share the wonderful news with our family and friends. TJ got word on 4th of July while we were in Alaska that the head coach at UCLA was interested in hiring TJ as his 2nd asst was offered another job. Well, it was 2 years ago on 4th of July that TJ heard from the head coach at UCLA that he didn't get that job, so it was one of those things that we had been hoping for and would be oh so wonderful, but we kept it under wraps because this coaching and baseball world is such a roller coaster of emotions. When I say roller coaster that is probably an understatement. It was a grueling month to hear those words, "Welcome to UCLA, coach Bruce!" Oh my, it was soooo exciting. Screaming exciting, being we shared this wonderful news over the phone while I was in Palm Springs with Ana enjoying my getaway and cold beer at the pool! ;)
Ahhh, finally....TJ/Daddy has done, he has broken through and finally, ALL that hard work has paid off. His true passion is no longer an unreachable dream, but reality. Thank you God. We have been praying for this for 4 years now. We never thought it would be this long for either of us to break through with our careers, but I had prayed and prayed that God puts us in a place that is meant to be for us and our family and future. That when the time was right to please take care of us, I could never have imagined that it would be right here in CA and with the #2 nation baseball team! WHOOO HOOO. Hunny, we are so deeply proud of you, your persistence has paid off, be confident, know that YOU did this and you deserve it. You are going to be amazing and we will be there all the way to support you 100 percent. This will come at a very big cost, it will be a grind, but as a family we will get through it. That commute to LA, the hours, the recruiting, working for the biggest workhorse in college baseball, the commitment, and the stress of having to prove yourself with your first paid asst job. It will be tough, but success comes at a very big price and it will all be worth it. I wouldn't have it any other way for you to be doing what you love.
And not to mention, with this we are faced with big decisions of me going to work full time, not to work, work part time, ride out this subbing deal, etc. ????? With TJ's hours and schedule it will be hard to work and have Rhowan in daycare and doing a lot on my own with the homefront and with Rhowan. So, its just a lot to think about. Right now I need to see where this puts us financially and am just riding it out. We are so incredibly blessed to have benefits and insurance as a family, its a HUGE stress relief!!!
With all this, being home for the summer has allowed me to be that stay at home mommy I've wanted to be since Rhowan was born. Well, now I am really feeling like maybe I am not cut out for this. Please, don't get me wrong. I love not working, I love being home with Rhowan, but I have seriously created a monster! Yes, I know you don't believe me because Rhowan is a princess for everyone, however when she sees mommy, all bets are off!!! She is so needy with ME. Why is it only with me?! She is "HM" (high maintenance) baby. She is very clingy, connected to my hip lately. I am hoping it's a stage. Which the book I briefly read in the bookstore for the five minutes Rhowan allowed me to read for, said this, that she is learning object permanence, when I am not there she gets separation anxiety, not knowing when I will return and that she is a separate being from me. So, here is the problem. I get NOTHING done all day, so the only way to stay sane is, get out of the house for the day by noon. She won't nap here, so she naps in her stroller on our daily walks on 2nd along the bay and 2nd street. She won't let me shower, so what the hell, I bring her in with me because I can't take the 15 min of her non stop, hysteric crying while I shower. Then there is the middle of the night bottle between 1 and 3 am that she wakes for. Well, while daddy was gone she took that bottle in bed next to mommy and good night we both would go until 8 or 9 am. Hmmmm, a bad habit I created that I thought she would no big deal go right back into her own crib. So that middle of the night bottle now, I went back to giving on the couch, she is out, I put back in the crib=wide awake, crying. What, so I pick her up and put back to sleep and try again. Well, we tried this for 2 hours one night. Let's just say, I then was ready for cry it out, but daddy was NOT. So...how do I say this...she always ends up in our bed and one of us ends up on the couch. NOW WHAT? It is making me go crazy. What have I done? Why did I do this? What do I do now? Cry it out? I can't take that. But I can't take her showering, shitting and sleeping with me either. I love her, but come on, really?! I need some "me" time. Some sanity. I am going to be the worlds worst stay at home mommy ever. All the bragging I used to do about what an easy baby she was and how happy she is...well here is my pay back. I am literally chomping on my own words about the easy part. Yes, she is a great baby and for the most part, no real complaints. But I gotta get a better thing going. She goes down for the night in her crib, why won't she stay in it???!!!
Well that's all I got for right now, wayyyy more to talk about and catch up on, but to be honest, it's bed time.
love you all. Thank you everyone for the prayers, well wishes, love and support. It has finally paid off and this has truly been our year of blessings!

xoxoxo,
The Bruce's